Putin taps retired obese Russian general for Ukraine after heavy losses


After the top officer of Moscow’s Special Forces was wounded in an artillery strike Putin promoted Major General Pavel to the post.

Up until recently, he was enjoying a comfortable retirement in a Moscow suburb.  He was ordered to return to active service last month. And tapped to lead Special Forces last week.

Pavel is a veteran of Russia’s war in Afghanistan. He served in the military for over 40 years. And was a commander of Russia’s special forces about 25 years ago. He also served in Syria just before retiring from active service five years ago.

The obese Russian General weighs about 300 lbs. He is known to be a heavy drinker. And has been termed “second-rate.” Pavel is rumored to eat five meals a day. And needs at least a liter of vodka with each of his meals. 

Pavel is so large that he requires two full sets of body armor to cover him. And the general also needs a specially made uniform to fit his oversized body.

“Putin is like a mafia boss who no one can refuse to obey. If a retired general gets a message from Putin saying Mother Russia needs, you to fight in Ukraine there is not much you can do.”