The same is true for your anger. Your anger doesn’t stand on its own. It has its own roots and these emotions are the real cause of the anxiety you’re feeling. If you can recognize them for what they are, you can easily control your anger in just about any situation.
Your anger may have deep roots that are hard to find, but they’re there. The root causes can be broken down into three different categories. The first of these is guilt and shame. These words are used interchangeably, but they actually have different emotional foundations.
We experience guilt when we feel responsible for something we’ve done. We might have offended someone or we might have committed a crime, or we might simply feel like we did. Whether or not the offense is real or imagined, doesn’t really matter – it still feels very real to us. It’s something that we believe violates our own value system and for us that’s the real measuring stick we judge ourselves by.
We feel shame when our peers have called us out for our actions. This is a very public emotion. Our flaws are on full display for those around us and everyone knows about it. It’s a very intense and painful experience knowing that others think we’re flawed or unworthy.