The film fantasy of the nanny blending right into the family with no hiccups is a fallacy. It can happen, but most of the time it does not. As with any new employment, the first few weeks can be very difficult while employer and employee get a feel for one another and start to form a relationship.
One of my most memorable encounters was a telephone call from a mom with a very serious complaint. She said that the nanny was always hugging her child and calling him her ‘baby’. Now, to some moms, this is not a problem. In fact, they welcome such a warm, loving, affectionate relationship between the nanny and their child. They feel that the nanny is invested in the care of the child because she feels this love towards him or her.
However, this was offensive to this particular mom. She was what would be described as a non-affectionate mom. This does not mean that she did not love her child. Rather it means that she did not express her love in physical or verbal demonstrations. This mom felt that the nanny was trying to be a substitute mother to the child instead of a caregiver. She felt that in hiring a nanny she was creating a formal relationship which the nanny was not respecting. Above all else, she felt that her parenting style was being contradicted by the nanny’s behavior.
